Heartbreak and Comfort – Reflections from a Friend’s Recent Death

A very dear friend of ours unexpectedly passed away, who was not much older than myself. Even though we met only a few years ago (she was one of our campers) – Vinny and I instantly loved her – feeling like we knew her our whole lives.

So it’s been a hard couple days, bringing up feelings of my Mom’s recent passing as well. Both of these women had just gotten married and were in love. Both were so full of life, too, with interesting hobbies, and big dreams for the future.

We are heartbroken for my friend’s children, brother, and her new husband. We are also heartbroken for my Father-in-Law, whose wife (Vinny’s step-Mom) passed away just last week!

It’s so hard when a particularly vibrant life is there, and then in an instant is gone. It takes time to adjust.

In time, however, the good memories about those people will take root, and the physical separation will become less painful to bear.

And one will find that the positive relationship one had with that person will continue in a sort of mystical, but practical way.

We will go on with life, and along with the hope of seeing them again someday, what appears to be a current separation will melt into an awareness that some of what made them uniquely them, goes on living with us.

Having lost a lot of loved ones, this is something that comes up a lot.

• When in the garden, for example, I often feel the same care-free feeling I had as a child on hot summer days, admiring my Mom’s passion for growing food, and being excited when she gave me my very own plot to experiment with. It’s like I feel again her approval when I dig in the dirt and nurture plants. To this day I love to garden, and it is not separate from my Mom that I do it.
• Also, when an overwhelming project comes up that needs patience and grunt work, I have often been comforted with a sense of my Dad’s strength, as he and I accomplished big things together – like building a house, for example. To this day I can still plow through to tackle a difficult project, and it is not separate from my Dad that I do it.
• And when I focus on writing, and communicating about deeper, spiritual things with a close knit group of people I’m in relationship to – I feel most alive, really, because this is what a spiritual dad was most passionate about. To this day these things are a priority in my life, and it’s not separate from my spiritual dad that I do it.
• Finally, as to my friend, I know I will think of her every time I see a heart-shaped rock. Or create something pretty on our property. Or share a glass of merlot around a campfire. These are just a few things that I will appreciate, and continue to enjoy in this life, and it will not be separate from my friend that I do it.

There are many things that we are all passionate about today, because a loved one was passionate about it yesterday. Leaving any negative or unrequited aspects of these things behind, (that’s another topic entirely) for now it’s enough to draw some comfort knowing our loved ones are not far away.

Death may end a life here on earth, but it does not end a relationship.

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